Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
