So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
