you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize