i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
