Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
