Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
