I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
