Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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