just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
