I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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