Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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