I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
