so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
