If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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