i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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