Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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