I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Text me some of your sweat
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
