The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
