I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need water and some morals
Randomize
