i just had sex bonerless
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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