It's like a parade of train wrecks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
