i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
