The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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