I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
