watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
