i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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