its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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