like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
