I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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