he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
