It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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