I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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