Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
