she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
