i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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