just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dick very happy bro
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
