we have officially lost it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
