Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
