Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
