You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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