someone threw a dead crab at me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
