i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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