I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
