after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
