After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
