You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You're like the curious george of whores
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
