I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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