she was so not down for the gang bang
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
