i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
