Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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