dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We talked him into tasing himself.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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