No awkward lesbian experiences without me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
