I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How external is "for external use only"?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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