so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
