someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
