JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
