Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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