Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
