Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
