He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
