ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
