Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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