Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
