true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
