sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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